It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
