She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
