Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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