i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
