i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Damn victory sex feels great
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
