we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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