She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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