worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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