I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
