a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize