So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
