So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
