Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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