Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
