maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize