I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
