I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Couch. On fire.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
