i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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