he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
