I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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