is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
