did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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