I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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