I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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