Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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