Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
