Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize