I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
