Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
