Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The best revenge is premature balding
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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