and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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