Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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