As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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