Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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