I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
