He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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