I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
