found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
