I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
