I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
