You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
