I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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