Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
