my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
