4 words: hood of his car
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize