I think im going to throw up on grandma
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
