a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
