why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
