She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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