Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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