??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
