I must be too annoying 4 u.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
