I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
