He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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