He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize