who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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