Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
