What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
