What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
