I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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