that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
