what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
