she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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