Pants 0. Shit 1.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
