Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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