She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
