oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i would punch a child for taco bell
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
