and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
