I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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