you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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