need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
