I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
