im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found your dick twin last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
