We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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