R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Panties = found
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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