my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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