i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
