atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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