Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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