i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
