my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
