whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
