You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
