Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
