Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
