you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
