The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
