I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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