im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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