don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
