I cannot find my penis.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
