All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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