just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
