just come out here and I will go home with you...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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