His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
