He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
