ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
