She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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