Cold hands, warm shart.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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