I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
