dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
