They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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