I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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