You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she pinky promised me she was 18
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
