six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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