Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
