The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
