so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
