The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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