"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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