I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
